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good thing i didn't take an mc on sat/sun for leisure/other purposes
because i'm down with a flu today
it was so bad that i had to take an mc and miss work
didn't go for coaching nor work in the evening.
still went ahead with driving lesson, because i won't get a refund even with mc -.-"

so i was practically sneezing and sniffing throughout the lesson
luckily instructor wasn't strict
because i was pretty sure i wasn't concentrating well

later in the day, i had a long sleep
i realised i haven't been sleeping well for so long
not that i slept well today, definitely not with this flu
i think i'll definitely need more time for rest after the nationals and team's compy.

come to think of it
my schedule is damn pack for the next 2 weeks
i hope i don't give up halfway
i'll feel damn disappointed with myself. =x

i'm already feeling dejected.

i'm gonna get back to sleep
don't know why i'm so tired.

i wish you could be nicer

if reading a blogpost of a fustrated blogger makes you feel uncomfortable
i suggest that you to move away from here now
because i'm feeling fustrated today
VERY.

i was pissed off with mum's nagging
i had this medical questionaire that needed to be printed out for my enlistment check-up, and all i needed from her was a signature
"why pink colour one? go re-print lah"
"what would they see you when they see the paper?"
like whatever lah. i wasn't the one who made the page coloured. MINDEF did.
and what? are they gonna post me to a unit filled with gays because i submitted a paper with pink words? NO.
for goodness sake, i just needed your signature.
they can always view my answers online.

and i hate it when she keeps forcing me to go to Japan with family next year
yes, going to Japan is wonderful. but when it's purely for religious purpose, it's a turn off.
i didn't ask to be part of it in the first place
and she keeps forcing me, knowing that if i go, i'd have to apply for leave from NS
happily she signed me up for the trip already, as if she's the one approving my leave.
i don't care. i'm not going. she can pay for the trip, i'll still not go.
i'd rather be stuck in camp
period.

and i seriously don't need anyone to nag on how to prioritise my lifestyle
unless u're my girlfriend and i need to spend more time with you.
even my mum leaves it to me
i plan my schedule according to importance, and to who is available
pls don't make it sound like i'm the one who don't wan to focus on things.

E.G. 1 - team trainings. yes, 2 more weeks to competition. i can organise trainings every night, but can everyone make it? like duh, no.
moreover, i've already listed out training dates in my recent e-mail
so what's the problem now?

E.G. 2 - having 2 jobs. if you ask me, i wouldn't mind stopping my coaching job now
especially when i'm facing stress from the schools and lack of support from the company
sry but i don't feel like their trainer/coach. i feel more like a freelance one.
but i can't drop the job now. because i have a responsibilities to bear at the moment.

if i knew you wanted to just go home
i wouldn't have asked you to travel all the way down.
oh well, not your fault anyway.

i'm sorry. i think i just need everyone in my life to give me some space of my own
EVERYONE.
not that you don't bother about me, of course i wouldn't want to feel lonely
but stop bugging me on every single thing
it's irritating.

but i wish YOU could open up more to me (:

yayy.
i officially completed 4 weeks of work, and i'm glad
though i've still plenty to learn
but at least, i have not given up on the job
seriously, it's not an ideal one =x
got so many things to learn and memorise
got to attend to weird customers, and tolerate their naggings at times
got to face demanding and unreasonable instructions by managers at times
AT TIMES ONLY!
got to make sure we do everything perfectly even when we're so so busy
and the pay, i'd rather not mention about it =\

but still, there are moments of joy
there are colleagues who make work fun, some
there are customers who give comments which motivate us alot
i don't know if i'll still stay after my SIC leaves
but at least i'll continue working as long as he's still the SIC (:

now something to whine about
44 hours of work next week! ARRR!
>.<

sian.
i was dealt with 2 blow today

i asked someone if i'm cute
she gave an outright "no"
totally disheartened by the answer
was expecting something better even though i knew she wouldn't give a "yes"
but then, she changed her answer after i gave a super emo reply
oh well...
we all know how cute i am
undeniable fact.
HAHAHA!

it was amazing that my mummy was awake when i came home
it's rare you see, after i started my new job
didn't know if she was waiting for me, she was fiddling with the laptop
i asked her if she could wake up earlier to settle my enlistment stuff tmr morning.
"i'm not going to wake up earlier for you"
WTF?!? i'm your son leh! i'm going to serve the army leh!
was half-expecting her to nag but agree to it lor.
i don't care, tmr i gonna wake u up!
HAHAHA!

speaking of enlistment
eugene enlisted last week
next week will be a busy one for me, don't know if i'll be able to meet up with him when he books out
i wanna see his botak head!
muahahaha.

~~i wish i was going to hong kong with you (:~~

i'm probably having the toughest time i've had for the past 4 months at the moment
everything's like coming down on me
and i just feel like not holding on to the heavy load, let everything else crumble onto me

for 3 days straight
people around me have been associated with the words "quit" and "resign"
not only i'm disappointed about it
i'm fustrated.

it's only my 4th week
my manager is deciding to submit his resignation letter
and my fellow friend submitted hers today
i know what's my manager's reason, but i really don't understand my friend's decision
she was the one who recommended the job to me
and i took it up not because of the pay, it's low i must admit
but i gladly took up the job because i thought it'd be great to be able to work with friends
not the case right now uh.
i can't force her to stay anyway. she's already made up her mind

i'm not going to mention what or where
because i don't want my blog to start appearing when ppl google/search for the company's name =x

and as for my team, i'm speechless
like totally.
i'm not sure if it's their lack of confidence, or the lack of support for my actions
but i thought they knew the team has alot more to improve on
apparently, the discussion made me felt that they were contented with what we have right now
i'm not. i want to be better. way better

their decisions made me feel like we're similar to the foundation
always thinking of the short-term only, having big plans be never going to fulfill them.
i mean, people are starting to give up now
right now at this moment, when the team is capable of developing into a better one
when we have the space to train at, the exposure to gain experience
and just because they're unhappy, they decide to give up
then why start in the first place if you're not ready for setbacks?
we're all seniors, all having to set examples. yet we leave when we just feel like it?

i don't mean to discriminate anyone
but maybe because they've yet to step out to the working society
or working with the corporate world
probably that's why they have the mindset that things should always be perfect and happy
i really don't know either.
all i know for sure is that nothing will always be perfect,
and there will be rough times for everyone.
this, is just one of the few. and it's up to ourselves to decide if we're strong enough to handle it.

like wise, i can't force them to stay
i've repeatedly ask for them to reconsider about their decisions
and i really don't wish to beg. it'll only make things difficult for everyone
of course i do wish everyone can stay. why not?
but at the end of the day, if they do wish to give up on their passion
i can't do much either.

i wish i was god (:

and as for my friend
i really don't wish to talk about it
i'm still distraught about it
sorry.

i just hope things will go fine for me and everyone else soon.